I understand you are very busy, and completely chock full of information. I have tried searching you, but unfortunately I am at my wits end.
You see, Internet, I am interested in beginning to work out with the Nautilus style equipment at my gym. So I came here with high hopes of finding a easy to understand, well designed workout routine. Something that was set up for folks like me who have never had to design one before.
Essentially something for a person who knows how the machines function, but does not know what to do, or in what order, to make progress instead causing injury.
In my younger days of football and military service it was easy. Someone whould hand me a sheet of paper with instructions that a basic houseplant could understand. I figured if those people could make up a plan that you would have so many to choose from that I would spend a half day deciding on which one to use.
Unfortunately, as happens all too often, I was wrong.
My complaint, Internet, is that for all your mighty stores of information you could not provide what I was looking for.
You gave me jargon filled ramblings written by those who want nothing more than to become huge and muscular.
You gave me links to like four thousand websites that would be happy to take my money in exchange for a plan I could not even preview first.
You gave me links to “pharmaceutical” solutions, just in case I need extra chemicals in my system I suppose. (and who in their right mind would inject something they randomly found online? That’s like finding pills in an alley and taking them because they kinda look like Tylenol)
You even gave me what claimed at first to be a workout setup for beginners. It even included steps towards a more advanced workout in the short description. Then I looked at the actual workout list and found it looked more like a giant algebra problem.
So, after three hours of reading and a splitting headache I refuse to take the “it looks like Tylenol” for, I have come to the conclusion that this information does not in fact exist.
I suppose it is time to go about this the old fasioned way. I’m sorry to do this to you Internet, but I am going to have to start seeing other information sources. It’s not that I won’t be coming back, but there are things you just can’t do for me.
I’m heading to the library, we can talk when I get back.