Support is a wonderful thing.
Last night I was cooking up a nice dinner for the family. The entire time knowing I had not the points left in my day to pay for it. I knew this when I walked in to start cooking, that’s why I was preparing myself something separate. Then as I was cooking I could almost hear the click as the “lets rationalize this” part of my brain kicked in to high gear.
I hurt from the gym.
I was hungry as hell.
Damn it I deserve a plate full of pasta!
I cooked it, put all the work into it, and it smells so freaking good!
As I was dishing it all up I stopped, stared at the last empty plate, and thought about what I was doing. Tomorrow morning I will be getting on a scale, writing down a number, and crafting a post about what it says. How am I going to do that if I pour a thousand calories worth of cheese filled ravioli goodness down the hatch? With enough garlic bread to choke a horse on top of it all?
I was staring at the empty plate, a spoonful of cheesy goodness halfway to my plate. I actually started shaking as thoughts flashed through my mind.
The posts I have written about committing myself to this.
The look in my mothers eyes when she used to tell people how proud whe was about the weight I had lost. She may be gone, but I remember.
A quote from one of Bre’s posts came to mind…. “This shit is for life, and it is fucking hard.”
Standing alone in my own kitchen I drew strength from people I have never even met… This is not something I can do for a day or two. It is not something I can turn on and off. Like a marathon runner, I have to be in this for the long haul. The shaking subsided, the ravioli went back in the bowl, and I went on about my business.
I served up the pasta for my family, and thoroughly enjoyed my chef’s salad and baked potato instead.